


selfish in love and war

by faithseed



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Abandonment Issues, F/M, Trauma, although it gets a little angsty i guess, but still soft in a way, just because i wanted to write about theo and jacob being soft, soft as hell i cant be stopped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:26:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithseed/pseuds/faithseed
Summary: Jacob and Theo’s relationship could only be described as complicated. At least, if they were to explain it to anyone else. But between them, it was blissful.John finds out about their relationship and Theo breaks down.





	selfish in love and war

**Author's Note:**

> jacob is a big softie and no one can tell me otherwise. i've been having a lot of feelings about them lately so here's this.
> 
> if anyone wants to know more about them or theo, message me on tumblr @kieranduffys pls I'm always willing to cry about her.

Jacob and Theo’s relationship could only be described as complicated. At least, if they were to explain it to anyone else. But between them, it was blissful. Theo’s heart was never solely in the resistance, she could never admit that in fear of her friends abandoning her. That was the last thing she wanted. So she’d continue to lie for her own selfish reasons.

It wasn’t like she wanted to fall in love with Jacob Seed, it was purely accidental. She had gotten drunk one night and found him somehow - she was sure he followed her - and tried to sleep with him. That was usual for her after she gets pretty trashed, but if she had been aware it was him, things might have been different.

Theo had woken up in his bed and was surprised that he hadn’t hurt her - he hadn’t touched her. When she had been most vulnerable and open and could be so easily taken advantage of, he had done nothing. And every encounter after that was always full of surprises - she couldn’t help but to fall for him. It didn’t help that she may have a thing for guys like him.

And if she were ever honest, she’d say she felt safe and warm around him. A feeling she had never felt around anyone in her entire life. Living in Chicago, she had only been around people who used her and her recent ex was one of her worst abusers. But thankfully, he was the one who had inspired her to learn how to fight to protect herself - properly.

When she had told Jacob about the things her ex did, he had placed his hand on her cheek so gently, his fingers tracing the scar that trailed down behind her ear to the back of her neck. When she first saw Jacob Seed, she would never have thought to see this side to him. She never would have thought he even _had_ this side of him.

But _fuck_ , she _loved_ him. And she _hated_ that. She hated that he made her like this.

Theo hadn’t told anyone about her secret meetings with Jacob and he hadn’t told any of his siblings. So far, she was sure Eli wasn’t suspicious of her leaving the Den every night and being away for a couple hours while she talked to Jacob on the walkie, or question why she was gone for a few days.

She was usually with Jacob.

Being selfish has always been _her_ . She only did things for herself and no one else. So of course, she didn’t feel bad for going behind her friends back because she was _happy_ . Like now, lying in Jacob’s bed, smiling as he slept beside her. She hated being soft and - _hell_ \- Jacob made her soft. But she was sure she had the same effect on him.

At first he was cold and distant - as if protecting himself. But then he slowly started to open up and being soft and vulnerable just was easier than holding up a constant mask of indifference. And Theo was pretty damn sure it was her doing that made this hardened man into someone who liked to hold her throughout the night. At least - she hoped.

Theo reached over and brushed her fingers over his cheek and along his jaw, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. He hummed softly, his eyes still shut and his hand weakly moving to her hip. She smiled against him and closed her eyes as well, the feeling of his calloused palm running along her waist was soothing.

There wasn’t a proper way to describe how she felt with Jacob - and perhaps it would be easier if they weren’t in the midst of a war and on opposite sides - but she felt warm inside and _light_. It was almost like she was a completely different person, always smiling and it was genuine.

She opened her eyes when Jacob’s hand stilled, only to find his tired blue eyes watching her. Theo pulled her lower lip between her teeth to stifle her smile, allowing him to tug her body closer.

“You’re up early.” He mumbled, pressing his lips to her nose, his beard scratching her skin.

Huffing, she threw her head back, but that only exposed her throat to his itchy kisses. “It’s actually late. Although, I’m not totally against staying in bed all day.”

Jacob rolled her onto her back, propping himself up on his elbow and leaning over her, a lazy smile tugging the corners of his mouth. “Hmm, you might make a sinner of me yet, deputy.”

“Oh, I haven’t already?” She chuckled, slowly sliding her leg over his bare body. “Hurk told me you guys didn’t allow ‘fornicating’. I think we’ve broken that rule too many times.”

A smirk pulled his lips and his fingers traced her collarbone. “You’re right. I guess I’ll have to kill you now.”

Laughing quietly, Theo moved her hand to the back of his head, pulling him down. “Just do it _gently_.”

And when his lips were against hers, slow and patient, she felt that odd sensation that she couldn’t quite explain - the one that had her heart pounding heavily but had her head as light as a cloud. She moaned softly, shifting slightly as he towered over her now, the kiss deepening as he moved against her. If she had to explain it loosely, it was almost like being in contact with bliss and this was all just a fever dream.

“Jacob-” She moaned, dragging her nails over his neck and pulling him closer.

Suddenly the front door slamming shut echoed through the small house, causing the two of them to pause. And then John’s voice called down the hall. “Jacob, you better not be sleeping!”

Jacob pushed himself up and off the bed, grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants and pulling them on. He sent her a quick look and then slipped out of the bedroom. She sat up, quietly listening while her heart hammered haphazardly in her chest. _Fuck, she couldn’t be caught here_.

Theo tugged on Jacob’s t-shirt and then her underwear, silently moving to the door and pressing her ear against the wood.

“Please tell me you didn’t just wake up. It’s one in the afternoon.” John griped, tone laced in annoyance.

Jacob must have been making coffee or pretending to be busy as he responded along with the sounds of cupboard doors shutting. “I had a long night. Why are you here?”

It was quiet for a moment besides a couple soft footsteps. “A very long night indeed. I don’t know if you know this, brother, but I can tell when people are getting laid.” Theo frowned, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She would have if his next words didn’t make her want to get sick. “Maybe with a certain _deputy_?”

The older man didn’t say anything in response and the footsteps started moving closer - quicker. She moved away from the door and ran for her gun, turning the safety off and aiming it just as the door opened. John stood there with her jacket hanging off his index finger while he wore an amused but dangerous smirk.

“Don’t move or I’ll ruin that pretty face of yours.” Theo growled out, steadying her hands.

John chuckled and leaned against the doorframe as Jacob came up behind him, his eyes scanning her state of undress. “Joseph has been looking for the two of you - but I bet he never imagined you’d be _together_.”

Jacob rolled his eyes and stepped into the room, walking towards her and gently placing his hand on top of her hands. His eyes asked her to lower the gun and to not do anything rash. With a shaky breath, she nodded slightly and let him take the weapon from her hands and put it down.

“Interesting,” John smirked again, tossing the jacket onto the bed. “But, if you two are done playing mom and dad, I think it’s time to get back to work. Unless, deputy Ward here is throwing in the towel?”

Theo glared at him. “Of course not, you fucking lunatic.”

John gave an empty laugh and his eyes held an emotion she couldn’t quite grasp. “You’re lucky you’re here with Jacob, because dragging you to my bunker would be all too enjoyable.” Jacob must have sent him a look because John immediately changed his tone. “I won’t tell Joseph, but you continue this and he’s going to come looking. Be smart, brother.” With one last glare, John turned and left, going out the front door.

She couldn’t move, just standing still while her mind raced after everything that happened and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. Word would get around and all her friends would hate her. They'd say she betrayed them and - _fuck_ \- everything was ruined now!  _Eli_ -

Jacob’s hand reached over and touched her head gently and it was then that she flinched. Her hands shot out and pushed him away, reacting like a frightened wild animal being cornered. Theo yelled at him when he fought against her, grabbing her wrists and pulling her against his chest.

Jacob wrapped his arms around her and then pushed her onto the bed, straddling her waist. “Hey!” He called, grabbing her wrists and pinning her down. “Theo.” His voice softer now. “Calm down. Talk to me.”  

“He fucking knows! I don’t trust him! He’s going to fucking tell everyone!” She yelled, wiggling underneath him in a desperate attempt to escape. “Jacob, get off me!”

He huffed and tenderly rubbed his thumb over her wrist. “Not until you calm down. Take a fucking breath.” Theo took a couple heavy breaths just as he said, eyes glaring at him dangerously, but his touch and warm gaze was calming her. Finally, she stopped moving and her heaving chest slowly returned to normal. “Why does it matter?” He asked softly.

Jacob wasn’t an idiot - he knew the severity of their relationship being known - but she knew that wasn’t what he was asking.

Theo could feel her heart racing again and the burning in her eyes as tears threatened to spill. “Everything was good. Everything worked and now -” She took a shuddering breath and pulled her wrists from his grasp.

“What are you afraid of?” Jacob asked, moving one large hand to her cheek and then his fingers touched the scar behind her ear.

His eyes moved back to her and his thumb wiped away a stray tear. “They’ll leave me. Just like everyone else.”

Jacob shook his head. “No one is going to leave-”

“They will! My parents abandoned me - my friends! I was left to die, Jacob. I fuck everything up - I fucked _everything_ and I can’t change that.” She couldn’t stop from crying now no matter how much she tried, her panicking breaths starting back up. She hated crying and she hated that she was doing it in front of him. “And you -”

Jacob got off her, pulling her up and against his chest, his hand rubbing soothingly against her back. “Fucking breathe, please.” He sighed, his lips pressed to the top of her head as she cried against him. “No one is leaving you.”

Theo swallowed hard and pressed her hand against his chest, but didn’t push him away. “He left me in that car - it was hours before they found me.”

“I know.” He murmured, fingers running through her hair. “But he’s not here. You’re little friends, Sharky and Hurk,” Jacob said their names with deep disdain. “Eli and those fucking Whitetails - they won’t leave you, they need you. And I hate to say it, but I think they really like you.”

Theo closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Fuck_ , she loved his voice and listening to him talk was the most relaxing thing for her now, especially when he knew exactly what to say. “And you?” She asked quietly, taking his hand in hers.

Jacob pulled her chin up and brushed his thumb over her lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It was hard to believe him - with everything going on she knew the outcome of the war - but she would keep pretending if it meant keeping her head above the water. Her time with Jacob wouldn’t last forever and they both knew that, but Jacob would continue to lie and Theo would continue to play along like it was God’s honest truth.

“Stay,” He said, pressing his lips to hers. “Just for tonight.” _And then things will go back to normal_.

Unable to bring herself to say no - at least, not when he kissed her like that - she kissed him back and nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Theo was selfish and she’d rather accept that fact than take responsibility for her own reckless behavior. Pretending things were alright than admitting that she was playing a very dangerous game. At least, if the world has gone to shit, she feels she has a right to be selfish.

Even with her fear, she would continue to choose to lie to the people she loved, only to be with someone she was never supposed to love in the first place, even if it was only for a brief period of time. It was simpler and she was already in too deep.


End file.
